Thursday, December 16, 2010

You can always count on old friends to put a smile on your face

Christmas is in 9 days! Ahhh! I love this holiday but I always stress out until all my Christmas shopping is completed….I haven’t started yet. On the flip side, I have been productive in other categories. I got home for Winter Break a week ago and have since told three of my friends from back home. It’s totally different coming out to friends I have known for a year or so compared to friends I have known for 5+ years. I came out to my friend Angel on Tuesday afternoon. We were sitting in her Mustang and I told her it was time to give her the much anticipated ‘surprise’ I had been antagonizing her about. She went from laughing and begging for the surprise to quiet and concerned the second my nervous kicked in. Obviously it was noticeable I was about to cry. I told her the surprise was not a tangible object but rather something I had to tell her. She perked up in the driver’s seat and began slowly shaking her head from left to right going “Oh my gosh, what’s going on? What did you do?”


I looked up and told her how much she meant to me. From there I let those two words out that always seem to echo throughout my brain after I say I’m Gay. After about ten seconds of her getting confirmation from several “are you reallys?”, her face lit up with the biggest smile. She pounced on me with a hug followed by questions and everything I went through. She got pretty upset when I told her about my not so good days trapped by depression. After I released all my emotions and told my story to another person, we went right back to being our normal, goofy selves. You can always tell best friends are best friends when your stomach hurts from laughing so much at the end of the day of hanging out with them. Angel can make me laugh no matter what. She started screaming that we’re getting drunk and celebrating this. Where are the fourlocos when you need em!

Tuesday night I met up with my neighbor Jake who lives two houses down the street. Not only was my mind spinning with anticipation to come out to him but it was ridiculously cold out for soflo. I was nearly shaking seconds before I brought up the subject. I have known Jake since 5th grade. He’s the athletic jock, always has a good looking girlfriend type of guy and I was nervous to come out to him at first. Turns out he was completely cool with me being gay. This was an entirely new side of myself I had never told him about after years of knowing me and he was really interested about all of it.

Tonight I came out to yet another friend. My senior year in high school I became really close to my friend Rachel. We hung out together all the time, had classes together and drove home from school together. She is one of the most compassionate people I have ever met. I knew she would be cool with my sexuality so I was really excited to come out to her. I sent her a text asking her if we could meet up and walk around her neighborhood and catch up. She immediately agreed. We began walking and my nervous ran up and down my body. I got anxious but stayed calm at the same time. After a few minutes of catching up, I came out to her. I’m starting to think homophobic people were imaginary people I created in my head and don’t exist. Like all my other friends, she stopped in her tracks and spit out “What?! Are you serious?” After she knew I was serious she threw her arms around me and I couldn’t have been happier. I felt like such a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Tonight was one of the best heart to heart conversations I have ever had. We must have walked her neighborhood 8 times just pouring our hearts out to each other. She completely opened up to me about all the things she struggled with past and present. I will always be there for her and I know our friendship got so much stronger after tonight.I received this text after I left to go home.

Hey ‘my name’, tonight was a good night! I don’t think I’ve ever had that deep and long of a conversation with someone. I just wanted to say that I am glad to call you one of my best friends. I will always be there for you, and I am glad that you wanted and did tell me everything. Can’t wait to party with you so we can have some more happy memories to add to our friendship. More unsober memories too! Lol. Thank you for being my friend. I will never forget this night too–Rachel

I have now come out to sixteen people. Yes I do keep a track, thank you. I am just about home free. There are two more people I have to come out to before I feel completely free, my Mom and Dad. I never knew how strong of a person I was until six months ago. I know my parents are going to love and accept me just like they always have. Coming out to my parents is probably going to be the most triumphant day of my entire life. I decided I am going to write them a letter as well as verbally come out to them. I am going to hand them the sealed envelope and come out to them without them reading it. I don’t want them to read it until they feel necessary but I’m going to write from the heart and focus on how I would never be as strong as a person if it weren’t for having such incredible parents. I have never in my life anticipated a particular day as much as I am December 28th. This is one Christmas my family will never forget…

7 comments:

  1. AGD: Good for you! I'm so proud and happy for you. Your friends have shown that they are true, just as you hoped they would be. It is also testament to the kind of person you are that you can rally so much support. I like your idea of giving the big news verbally with a followup letter that details how you feel, something your parents will probably want to remember as a keepsake of their loving son. I wish I could see that big smile on your face, you must be beaming!

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  2. .till now i hv been out to my 7 of my friends..they r supportive and treated me the same as before..i like the 'letter' thing.
    all the best for that.
    happy holliday!
    HH.

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  3. This is the first time I read this blog, but I'm stunned at how I had an almost identical experience to you! When I came out it was more of a barrage, and told so many people in a short period of time. (I also keep count of how many people I've come out to!) Such a great feeling, really proud of and for you, and that's just great how supportive everyone has been

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  4. fan of casey-Thank you! It still amazes me how understanding and non-judgemental my friends are. I couldn't have hoped for a better support group. I can call anyone of them and know no matter what, they have my back. Its such a good feeling.
    I cannot believe the big day is almost here! Eeeek! Yeah I'm definitly digging the verbal&letter coming out idea. Like you said, I'm sure that is something my parents are always going to hold onto and read over and over again. You bet I'm smiling! But I will be exuberant once my entire family can come to know me completely.

    headhunter- Hey man, good for you! Getting solid support from great friends is the best feeling. Especially when the friendship grows even stronger from coming out to them. Im glad you like the letter idea, if your still closeted to your parents, that may be a great way for you to approach it as well. Thanks again for your support! Happy Holidays :)

    Max-Did we just become best freinds?!(Quote from Step Brothers)lol Dude, thats too sick!! I love encountering other guys who have identical stories. I came flying out of that closet. I felt trapped for so many years due to personal mental issues but coming out to friends made me feel free for the first time. You keep a list too?! Im telling you, its a good idea! Im going to put the date I came out next to each name later on when I have time. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog and support me man! It really does mean alot to me

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  5. AGD: Socrkid17 did it too! That's a good sign for you since you two are buds. Both of you are so brave.

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  6. If Step Brothers is in your movie quoting vault, then I think we did haha! That's really funny because I have a list saved on my computer of everyone I came out to, and the date and way I told them. I always get the best feeling when I read through it again because I can recount every experience. I was trapped too, definitely the culture of my high school though and the whole sports thing. Your blog is great!

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